Nerves, memories and reassurances
by dancing-in-the-silverain
Summary: The first conversation between Jasper and Bella after everyone returns from Italy. Jasper is nervous about seeing her after the accident on her birthday. In Jasper's point of view. One-shot. Please read and review.


I walked towards her slowly, not wanting to frighten her anymore than I must have already. She must have heard me because she turned around and, to my surprise, smiled at me.

Edward was scared to leave us on our own, and with good reason, but she obviously sensed this as she turned back to him.

"Jasper won't hurt me. I know that and you should as well." Edward ducked his head, ashamed. He bent down pressing his lips to her forehead before turning and walking out of the room.

Her feelings confused me, I expected her to be upset, nervous and scared at having to see me after what I did but instead she was sympathetic and sorrowful for reasons that I could not understand.

"Come here Jasper. I know you won't hurt me. I want to tell you something." Bella informed me. I continued to walk towards her but I still went slowly, remembering the time of her birthday.

**Flashback**

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice told her, excited to see what she'd think of it.

We were all stood around Bella on her 18th birthday. Bella turned to Edward and glared at him. "You promised."

"Just in time!" Emmett boomed running inside from putting the stereo we had bought Bella into her truck. He came and stood behind me, trying to get a good view.

"I didn't spend a dime," Edward said in answer to her previous accusation. He brushed a strand of her hair away from her face, and she got a little dazed, before quickly recovering.

Bella took a deep breath before turning to Alice. "Give it to me," she said, sighing. Emmett laughed loudly in my ear.

Bella took the present from a beaming Alice and rolled her eyes at Edward. She started to open the present when her finger got caught.

"Shoot," I heard her mutter but I wasn't paying attention. A drop of sweet, fresh blood fell from her finger and my eyes focused on it before returning to her hand in anticipation of the other droplets that would fall.

I didn't notice that I was stalking towards her until I heard Edward's cry. "No!"

He ran at her, flinging her across the table. Some part of my brain noted that there was cake, flowers, presents and plates all smashed and broken, but right now I was more concerned to get as much as that mouth-wateringly sweet, sticky red stuff.

I ran towards Bella, not noticing that Edward was in my way until it was too late and I had slammed into him. I snarled at him, angry as he had stopped me from getting what I wanted. I tried to shove past Edward, snapping my teeth so close to his face that he moved his head back slightly.

Before I could take advantage of this fact however, Emmett grabbed me from behind. Although the rational part of my mind told me that I would never be able to break his grip, I still tried to get away, my eyes focused on the scared, broken thing that was Bella.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside." Carlisle said calmly in an authoritative tone.

Emmett nodded before looking down at me. "Come on, Jasper."

I struggled against Emmett's grip, twisting around and reaching towards him with my teeth bared but then Rosalie stepped in front of me. She looked smug and that annoyed me even more. She kept a safe distance away from my teeth as she and Emmett got me through the glass door, which Esme held open, covering her nose and mouth with one hand.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Esme cried before following us outside and closing the door behind her.

I breathed in the clear night air and gradually lost the burning desire in the back of my throat for blood which I should not have. Esme's face was ashamed which made me even more disappointed in myself than I was before.

**End of Flashback**

That was the last time that I had seen her, unless you count yesterday when they returned from Italy but I don't because Bella was half asleep and I was too busy looking at Alice to notice anything else.

"Jasper, I'm so sorry." Bella said in a rush, "I feel so bad, I mean, I never got a chance to tell you because you left after my 18th and then yesterday I was half asleep and-"

"Wait, stop." I told her, thoroughly confused, when I saw that she wouldn't interrupt I continued. "What are you apologising for? I should be the one to apologise after what I did at your birthday party, Bella, I am so sorry. I know that doesn't change anything but I need you to know it anyway."

"Jasper," Bella sighed. "What am I going to do with you? That's what I need to tell you, I am not mad at you Jasper, it wasn't your fault. I was bleeding a lot and you smelt it, you don't need to be super intelligent to work out why you didn't act yourself."

"But that's just it!" I yelled and she frowned at me, partly because I was interrupting her again and partly because she was confused. I rushed on before she could say anything, "The others were in exactly the same circumstances and they didn't lose it. I felt their desire but it was only me that lost control and tried to..." I trailed off, ashamed of my behaviour.

"Jasper," she sighs again. "You still don't get it do you? Even after you've just said it yourself, you still can't see why this doesn't mean that you're weaker than the others."

I brought my head up slowly, looking at her, confused as to what she was getting at.

"Jasper, you just said that you felt the others desire." She looked at me expectantly but I still didn't understand, she must have seen it in my face because she sighed again.

"Jasper, you have six other family members. At that point six other people wanted my blood and you felt it, Jasper. You felt not only your own wish but six other people's, one of whom was Edward and no matter how much he denies it I think that he finds it very hard dealing with just his desire, let alone six other peoples. Jasper, listen to me now and listen closely, it was not your fault, and no-one would be able to deal with what you had to deal with without snapping."

I let out a small breath before sinking to my knees and letting my face fall into my hands. "It's not my fault?"

"No," Bella said in a voice that left no room for arguments. "I'm so sorry, Jasper. I'm so sorry that I couldn't tell you before to save you feeling like it was for so long."

"Don't worry about it, Bella. I'm just glad it's over now. You don't know how bad I felt." I told her, remembering all of the times over the past couple of months that I had doubted my control, felt like I wasn't good enough.

Slowly, ever so slowly, it was sinking in.

It wasn't my fault.

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**The End. Please review, I hoped you liked it, if not please give constructive criticism.**

**This was another one-shot. Please review!**

**Elle F x**


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